Andrew Tate Comes Out As Transgender

"I've been running from it all my life, and I'm sorry it took this long for me to admit it. But I won't run from it anymore. Running is a female trait." Tate began the interview, in passionate tears. "I'll admit it, I'm trans. Deep down, I know that I am a woman. And it eats me up inside."

Andrew Tate began to violently punch herself behind the podium, interrupting the press conference. "I'm a woman inside. A woman trapped in a man's body. And I hate it so much. I hate women, I really do. I don't want to be one. I want to be a man. But I'll never be man enough for my father to accept me. I know deep down I'm a little sissy girl. I know I'm built for BBC, but I have such a hard time accepting it. I want to be free. I wish I could transition my soul to man, and I'd finally be at peace. But no, I'm stuck being a woman inside. I feel like throwing up. I wish I could vomit all of the female out of me and be empty of any gender. But maybe if I transition it'll fix something inside me. I don't know." Tate broke down crying.

The crowd was silent. Awkwardly so. Tate asked if anyone had questions or comments but there were none. Tate grew tense and started accusing people in the crowd of secretly thinking about what a sissy BBC slut she was. People started pulling out their phones and pretending to be looking at important text messages to avoid the awkward eye contact and hopefully cut the press briefing shorter.

"It feels so horrible to say, I feel the revulsion deep in my gut even thinking it. But I'm a woman. I am a woman, on the inside I'm a woman." Tate repeated several times, punching herself in the stomach repeatedly until she began to cough up blood. Tate suffered several other outbursts, before being dragged from the stage by what I assume were her handlers. They were all tall, muscular African American men, which seemed to cause some spike in dysphoria (euphoria?) in Tate, in which she loudly exclaimed how her father was right, and that this (in reference to the arms of multiple large black men) was where she "belonged".

Tate is still banned from every platform imaginable, but has since changed their username on their PlayStation 4 to "BUILT4BBC" and has clocked in about sixteen consecutive hours of "Senran Kagura: Estival Versus" today.

The question is, just how much money can the media squeeze out of this one controversial influencer? How many times will we repeat this cycle of publishing some stupid article about Tate and people rushing to defend or attack them, instantly propelling our engagement through the roof and driving some insane ad revenue?

Really, I want to know. I could use a new Rolex.