BREAKING: The Q In Q-Anon Stands For Quizno's

Authorities have finally figured out the identity of the mysterious hacker 4Chan, leader of Anonymous. Their latest plot, dubbed "Q-Anon", was an absolute mystery to federal agents, as the hacker 4chan was able to avoid detection through his cryptic code messages and seven proxies.

But as it turns out, the perpetrator was in front of our very faces all along. Quizno's, America's favorite restaurant for toasted submarine sandwiches.

Quizno's has been using Snowden's intel to target corrupt politicians. Crafting conspiracy theories using their knowledge of the deepstate to give the illusion of being in control of a resistance force, playing 5D chess. But to what gain? Are they friend or foe? What comes after they remove the current rulers? Will Quizno's rule justly, or will they enslave us all? It's hard to tell.

When the restaurant chain filed for bankruptcy in 2014, they'd vowed for revenge against all that had wronged them. Edward Snowden was planted into the CIA on their behalf, and collected information on all of the corrupt politicians. Snowden knew it all. Epstein, the NSA, the FBI, Obama. The war crimes. He fled to Russia, where he disclosed everything to Putin. Putin planted Trump, and now Trump works for Quizno's. But what does it all mean?

Our current working theory is that Quizno's is run by the Nephilim, the giants that once ruled the Earth. The original sons of God. And the deepstate is actually what the Nephilim descend from, the extraterrestrial race from which they were banished. The deepstate is trafficking humans to harvest their organs for alien consumption. But Quizno's understands that humans are friends, not food, and want to cast off the shackles of alien oppression and share their delicious, toasted submarine sandwiches with the world instead. Like a more sandwichy version of Monsters, Inc.

Or maybe the sandwiches have the human organs in them. In that case, we're completely and totally fucked.