BuzzFeed Acquires Satire Site PissDaily After Original Owner's Death

You heard it right, folks. BuzzFeed has taken over PissDaily and all of its various activities for the foreseeable future. It's the least we can do, when we heard what was happening over at PissDaily's offices. It was a very sad day, very tragic, and we just had to step in and acquire the PissDaily site and all of its various assets.

The original owner was found dead of an apparent suicide, with a note that said "I want my website and all of my assets to go to BuzzFeed". Yeah, it's crazy, right? Who would have guessed. And, you know, it's pretty insane. The note also said it was in his vision for PissDaily to stop posting deranged, schizophrenic rants about how we live in a society and how the government and corporations are ran by something called "Archons" and that we should just spread joy and happiness and write fun pieces that people can read and feel happy about.

It was part of his vision. We have no choice but to follow through. We've already got our team of highly skilled, talented writers coming up with fresh, hot, juicy content to brighten your day and make you happy.

This is what the people over at PissDaily would have wanted. It's a shame their offices exploded in some kind of freak accident, and all of their workers immediately died and their bodies were never recovered because they all exploded instantly and died. It just goes to show you, you're never truly safe from "nuclear energy". This is why we need to rely on good old fashioned fossil fuels. God put them right there in the dirt for a reason, believe me. There is nothing weird or "occult" about burning the ancient remains of life-forms from millions of years ago that are sealed beneath the Earth's surface. There is nothing weird or "schizo" here, it's perfectly okay to burn the remains of ancient corpses and release their energy into the atmosphere. There is nothing evil about this, whatever giant creatures roamed the Earth millions of years ago were benevolent, probably just some kind of "dinosaur", and there's no such thing as a "giant", "titan", or "nephilim". We're just using what God gave us, it's perfectly fine to burn their remains and release them into the atmosphere, they weren't imprisoned beneath the Earth for any particular reason. You conspiracy theory people get crazier and crazier by the day.

It's a tragedy that the original owner and founder of PissDaily was found bound in his bathtub with several gunshot wounds to the back of his head. But you know, depression is a serious problem that effects millions. Remember to take your medication so that you don't feel sad. You don't want to be sad and die, do you? You want to live forever and be happy and young, forever, right? Take your meds. Take your meds. Take your meds. Take your meds.

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