Duolingo Introduces "Duolingo For War"

With international tensions rising and the threat of war looming overhead, many have felt a little uneasy. Your comfortable way of life may be threatened by forces out of your control. Lucky for you, if there's one thing America is good at, it's rallying together to exterminate large swathes of people and ravage their land.

Many American corporations have pulled out of enemy territories, and mobilized to support the war effort. And now, even services like Duolingo are stepping up. With the success of their Duolingo for School program, they're now offering something even better. Duolingo for War.

Have you ever worried that maybe one of your friends is a Russian agents? That maybe your local politicians are Mossad plants? What if you got held hostage by a bunch of Islamic extremists? How can you talk your way out of it if you don't even know how to speak Arabic? Well now you, yourself, can be the double agent as long as you stick to a daily ten minute regiment.

In as little as two or three months, you could learn enough Chinese to infiltrate the CCP. Join the Mossad, relay troop positions to Ukraine, or negotiate with the Taliban. These new specialized courses will include important reading materials, like bomb defusing guides written in other languages, or how to understand political documents. You'll learn how to pose as random internet users in order to post misinformation and propaganda to 4chan, Twitter, Facebook, and Reddit. Never has there been a more comprehensive DIY guide to becoming a CIA operative.

Duolingo Plus users will also be trained in various forms of hand to hand combat, and various ways kill human beings with their bare hands. And to celebrate this impressive addition to their program, they're offering a discount to all new members enrolling in Plus. What a great time to learn!

Duolingo for War is now being offered in the United States, and is expected to begin its services in Israel by summer of this year. Service in other territories is expected to be announced over time.