FDA Refuses To Approve Soulja Boy "Soulja Shot" Medicinal Injection

Our prayers have finally been answered. The unending nightmare that's gripped our crumbling world, sending the sheep into a panicking frenzy, it's finally over. At least that's what Soulja Boy claims, with the advent of his new "Soulja Shot" all-purpose medicinal injection, guaranteed to cure anything that ails you, which may or may not be used to treat various strains of SARS-CoV-2.

It would be all sunshines and rainbows in a glorious utopia now, if only the FDA would approve such a miracle cure for public use. And they've refused. They won't even authorize it the way they've authorized the use of Pfizer's or Moderna's. "It's not safe for the public, or anyone for that matter, to use" they say, while they stuff money down their throat, paid off by big pharma shills. We know how this works, FDA. Don't act like you're doing this for the greater good or anything.

DeAndre Cortez Way, better know as Soulja Boy or Soulja Boy Tell 'Em (Soulja Boy for short), is a respectable entrepreneur and independent business owner that's been racially profiled as some kind of "thug" or "not even close to anything resembling some kind of professional that should be allowed to make anything fit for human consumption". But I personally would trust the Soulja Boy Soulja Shot with my life, and have injected myself with three of them already and feel perfectly fine.

"This is blue Gatorade mixed with McDonald's Sprite and children's Benadryl syrup." FDA's official spokesperson said in a hastily put together press conference.

When asked for comment, Soulja Boy simply responded "FDA ain't gonna do shit".

This blatant attempt at character assassination is rude and uncalled-for, and quite simply anti-science and anti-intellectual. They haven't even run any trials yet to see if it could, possibly, work to treat COVID-19 symptoms. They simply want to keep all of the big pharma money to themselves, and keep a respectable independent business owner down.

Soulja Boy is selling the medicinal injections on his website, which has been swamped with orders hoping to secure some before the feds try to shut it down. They feed us poison, so they can sell us their "cures", while they suppress our medicine.