"Killdozer" Funko POP! Figure Pre-Orders Sell Out As Scalpers Once Again Exploit Resale Market

We live in such a bitter, rotten world. There is no peace. There is no justice. There is only suffering. There is only hate. There is only wickedness. You people are animals. You're savages. Nothing is sacred to you people. Nothing is beyond your greedy, sticky fingers. We can't have nice things. You don't deserve nice things. I pray to God, to give me the strength to go on. I yearn to return to a home I've never truly known. A homesickness, for Eden, before it was raped by the tyrannical demiurge of mankind. I pray our judgement is merciful. I weep for the ignorant, stupid apes that we are, that we've desecrated something so precious and holy.

I can't drink my soylent without some wise guy on the internet giving me some shit. I have a gastrointestinal problem and it's one of the few things I can ingest for nutrients without getting sick. And I can't enjoy my porn without some jerkwad telling me I'm some kind of lesser human being, just because I respect women enough to pay them for their services. But now, you're telling me I can't even purchase my collectibles without some capitalist asshole buying all of them first? I have a spot on my shelf and everything, do you even know all the Killdozer lore? Are you a real schizo-pilled giga chad like me? I bet you never even browse /x/. Do you even know what that is? Fucking casual. I bet you still believe in science, like some kind of NPC. Not a based schizo chad like me.

They're not gonna get away with this. I've researched magic, and demons. Manifestations. I know how to make them pay. I'm a sorcerer. A shaman. I can call upon the ancient entities from the primordial dimensions before the flesh came into being. I've seen them. You ever try DMT? Yeah. Real shit.

I'm part of the Killdozer fandom. I deserve to have that figure. I deserve it. You don't know how hard I've worked. How much I've suffered. I'm on r/killdozer every day, scrolling. I report the irrelevant posts to the moderator team. We're on a first name basis. Kind of. I don't go by my real first name on the internet because my parents gave me some gay ass name, so I go by Horus Aurelius (they call me Horus). People know who I am, I'm someone. Like an esteemed warrior. A traveling ascetic monk warrior shaman sorcerer. But I'm also like a shadow. An assassin. No one knows my true name, because it's something gay. I'm just another anon on the board, swapping out my different alt accounts like masks.

When society finally collapses, while you normies are scrambling to "work" at your "jobs", I've spent my life learning the way of information warfare. I've played Fallout, I know how to survive in the wasteland of a collapsed civilization. I know how to adapt, and evolve. I will be able flourish while you perish.

The industrial revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. That's what he says. That's the line. I'm making a reference, to show you that I'm part of the fandom. You will respect me and treat me with honor. That collectible is rightfully mine.