BRAVE: Lockheed Martin Announce "Nuclear Pride Missiles" That Release Rainbow Mushroom Cloud

Pride Month is already off to an impressive start. Corporations and celebrities, the most important people and groups in the world, are standing up and supporting the rights of LGBT people around the world by sending out tweets and changing their profile pictures to be rainbow.

This is literally bigger than the entire civil rights movement, and Martin Luther King Jr. is jacking off and crying in his grave over how much he's been upstaged and humiliated by these rich, famous, powerful people who are doing so much more than him. But the bomb has been dropped, quite literally, on the straights. That's right. Gay bombs.

Lockheed Martin, who supply the United States and United Kingdom military with an assortment of weapons that make God weep, have decided to stand up to the straights and create a literal Pride Missile.

The new Pride Missiles, which Lockheed Martin are producing exclusively for the United States, will pack even more power than any nuclear weapon ever conceived. It could, theoretically, wipe every enemy to the American people right off the map with a single blow. Say goodbye to China, Russia, and North Korea all in one. The bomb is actually multiple missiles that will break apart, each missile enough to wipe out an entire nation. The L bomb, G bomb, B bomb, and T bomb (as they've  been titled) can be given independent targets, and the missile will split apart when it approaches the appropriate point in its coordinates. We can get the Middle East too while we're at it, honestly. We've finally achieved world peace, and all it took was love and pride.

"We could not have done this without the gays. Truly, we owe it all to the gays". Ricky Martin, CEO of Lockheed Martin posted to Twitter, which immediately skyrocketed to trillions of likes and retweets.

God is good. Subhanaka Allahumma Wa Bihamdika Wa Tabarakasmuka.