Mark Zuckerberg Announces He Will Box "The Candyman" Sam Hyde On The Joe Rogan Experience
Mark Zuckerberg startled everyone when he appeared on "The Joe Rogan Experience" with one very clear message. The "Candyman" is gonna be losing some teeth, and not from an abundance of sugar or cavities. No, Mark "The Zuck" Zuckerberg revealed that he's actually been getting very serious about boxing, and has had one particular opponent in mind. Controversial comedian Sam Hyde, who has been making a name for himself in the "influencer boxing" genre.
"This is very personal for me, and everyone at Meta really. Sam Hyde has made moderation on our platform a nightmare, what with his edgy and often offensive humor. He's pushing the boundaries of what should be allowed on the internet, and then our team of admins has to go through and really pick apart what is and is not allowed." Mark Zuckerberg confessed in what should have absolutely been an annoyed or incredulous tone, but was ultimately completely deadpan and made him sound like some kind of automaton. He proceeded to grab the water that was provided, and raised it to his lips. But he was still talking, and ended up spilling it all over himself, as if he was an animatronic that was bugging out.
Rogan tried to pull the conversation back to Facebook's controlling of media narratives and how the CIA and FBI have their fingers in the assholes of different social media websites, but Zuckerberg was simply out of control, like a man transforming into a werewolf or something.
"And I want you to know, Mr. Hyde, that you will not be getting away with this, or with anything, for very much longer. The Zuck is about to hit you with a 30 day ban from eating things without the use of a straw. Because you will be eating all of your candy through a straw when I'm done with you, Candyman. Your shenanigans will be coming to an end." Zuckerberg called out, quite literally throwing down the gauntlet right there. Like he actually physically removed what we had previously thought was his hand, and threw it on the ground, revealing some incredibly messy wires. Very poor cable management. And there was some kind of jelly-like, glistening tentacle appendage in there too, piloting the odd golem of flesh and machine. The name of God was inscribed under his tongue.
Rogan was able to get Hyde on the phone rather quickly, and the challenge was accepted, although the date and time have yet to be confirmed. The three of them then proceeded to break out fine cigars, and all had a smoke to celebrate what was soon to be the fight of the century. Hyde had to be present over a Skype call, but he did in fact also have a fine cigar on hand. People still use Skype, right? Or is it Zoom now? It was one of those.
When asked if Zuckerberg had any other opponents in mind for the future, he appeared to be deep in thought for a moment, before responding "Hasan Piker, but he's too much of a pussy. He'd never do it."