Metroid Dread Takes Place Inside Abandoned Kmart

Fans have finally gotten what they wanted, a brand new Metroid game being released for the Nintendo Switch. We thought we'd never see the day, after Metroid Prime 4 was delayed indefinitely since the arrest of Ghislaine Maxwell, who was to play the voice of Samus.

Metroid Dread, codenamed "Project Metroid Dread", was rumored to be in development for the Wii U, before Retro Studios declared that it had been cancelled due to the discovery that the Wii U's internet browser function might encourage children to look up Metroid porn. Nintendo promptly pulled the browser feature out of the Switch, and Metroid Dread development was pushed towards the newer console.

Bringing a horror element back to the Metroid games, Metroid Dread will be bringing Samus to the foreboding and ominous ambiance of Kmart.

The last Kmart has been closed, and the galaxy is at peace. That is, until the Galactic Kmart Federation is made aware of a new planet with a yet to be discovered Kmart on it. Samus is immediately dispatched to investigate and terminate the Kmart before it reproduces.

Nintendo announced they would be doing a limited release of a Metroid Dread Deluxe Edition that would come with authentic shrunken heads of former Kmart employees, from before the practice was ruled inhumane and made illegal, due to the fact that Kmart began to cut costs during the decline of their empire and the result was improperly done rituals leading to the vengeful spirits inside the shrunken heads leaking out and bringing woe upon their owners.

Metroid Dread is currently scheduled to release October 8th, to be delayed in September, cancelled in January of next year, and then reannounced at the next Nintendo Direct.