New LEGO Star Wars Game Allows You To Kick Baby Yoda Across A Football Field
Big news for gamers and Star Wars fans, your wildest Star Wars dreams can finally be realized. That's right. No, not fucking the blue alien girls. No, your favorite niche character from the extended universe isn't going to show up. PeePoo StarCummer is staying where he belongs, in the books no one read except you apparently.
No, we're getting something way better. A LEGO Star Wars game, just like the ones you played when you were a lonely and neglected child. In fact it's the exact same one, remastered for next-gen consoles. Just like every game that comes out these days. Remasters and remakes, just what every gamer loves.
Except now, you can punt Baby Yoda like a football over a length of one hundred yards. Which instantly takes it from childhood favorite to modern masterpiece, and even as far as making it a timeless work of art.
It is perfectly okay and in fact encouraged in the game. Go ahead, kick him. Kick him across two football fields, one at a time or all in one go. Just punt that little mother fucker and send him into fucking orbit. You'll actually get an achievement, an award physically mailed to your house, a solid gold trophy if your foot connects with his stupid little misshapen skull and you send him flying like the little bitch ass piece of shit he is. The game will walk you through it, and will encourage you to aim for his jaw, so you can rip it clean off his stupid little body.
Ideally, you would want him in at least three pieces by the end of this. At least. You want to disconnect the head from the body, and possibly the jaw from the face. But who knows, maybe if you kick with enough force his entire torso will disconnect from his stupid little arms and legs. That'd be pretty fucking epic. You'd get to see all his guts go flying. LEGO figures don't typically have guts, but for the purpose of enhancing the game they've specifically given Baby Yoda fully rendered insides that you can, should, and in fact must splatter all across the pavement. It's not required, but if you don't do it you would be letting down everyone in the world. God would send another flood to wipe out mankind if you didn't kick Baby Yoda with the full force your body is capable of. On judgement day, when your soul is placed upon the scale to weigh whether it is lighter than a feather or not, if you did not crush that little green shit into a pink, chunky mist, your soul will immediately weigh more than like ten elephants. Maybe even more than twenty elephants. And you'll immediately be sent directly to Hell.
Pick up LEGO Star Wars today. The new one. Whichever one that one is, the remastered one. I don't think they go by which episode it is anymore, I think they just keep releasing the same game under different names and no one has noticed.