New Steam Deck Update Immediately Bricks Console If You Try To Browse Reddit

A new update to the Steam Deck has many gamers confused and upset. The Steam Deck, which has brought the element of portability to the massively expansive Steam libraries of PC gamers, has been more popular than most of Valve's attempts at hardware. And yet, perhaps that's about to change.

The latest update, upon installation, appears to do very little. At first glance, you'd think it does nothing. But once you switch the thing to desktop mode, open up the web browser, and try to type "Reddit" into the search bar, you'll be surprised to find that your console immediately powers down. And it doesn't power back up, no matter what you try. Many users on Reddit were baffled by this, and attempted to find ways to circumvent this strange glitch and dig into the coding and patch notes to try and figure out why it was happening. But there were whispers and rumors around the various subreddits that this phenomenon seemed like it might be intentional. Which is equally confusing, considering just how many gamers are on Reddit.

We reached out to Gabe Newell for clarification, and received some rather shocking answers.

"Yeah, this was most definitely intentional. I fucking hate Redditors. Can't stand them. I don't need them on my platform. I don't need them using Steam. They ruin everything they touch. The last thing I want is for the Steam Deck to become "Reddit". You know, like when the Redditors latch onto something? Like Rick and Morty became "Reddit". It's like a synonym for the word "cringe". They did it to The Witcher, completely ruined it. I liked The Witcher, you know. I thought it was pretty good. But then they latched onto it, and you couldn't even enjoy it anymore without people assuming you're a Redditor. And then Cyberpunk happened, literally because of them. They literally caused the stock market crash, and the crypto market crash, with their dumb GameStop stock and Dogecoin memes. It's an omen of ill fortune. Once they like something and latch onto it, bad things happen. I don't need that. I really don't. No more Redditors on my console, please." Gabe stated, rather coldly, in our exclusive interview.

"Rick and Morty was not a bad show, it really wasn't. There were some good lines in there. And it's incredibly obvious to anyone with two brain cells that Rick is not meant to be taken seriously. People that act like the show is so deep and shit, and try to model themselves after Rick, it's so stupid. Like it's a cartoon, go outside. You're not being deep and brooding by acting like Rick, you're just an awkward virgin embarrassing yourself." Gabe felt it was necessary to add in, before reassuring us that he was working on a way for Steam Decks to detect Redditors even if they don't use the browser for Reddit in order to brick their devices as well.

"Gabe can't count to three, Half-Life poo poo pee pee. Oh my God, just shut the fuck up. Please. You're all so fucking annoying. Literally, actually, just kill yourselves. Holy shit." Mr. Newell ended the interview, standing abruptly from his seat and kicking over a chair. He flipped a table, punched a sizable hole in a wall, and left. We heard his car door slam out in the parking lot, and he appears to have backed over an intern while leaving. But they were unpaid so it's alright.