Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Will Have Special Guest Appearance By A Robot With Plasma Cannon Tiddies

by Lord Waffle King

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is right around the corner, but Nintendo and Monolith Soft aren’t done trying to build the hype train. People are pumped. Even some American fans, despite the whole censorship debacle. Artistic decisions and localization aside, the game looks great, and I’m a big fan of the Xeno games.

The latest tease that’s sure to get the fans riled up is the return of a fan-favorite character. Many of you probably don’t know her. In fact, I’m sure pretty much all of you. No one plays obscure PS2 RPG’s. But I’m sure you recognize her from one of her many cameos in other video games or from various pieces of “fan art”, more often than not including her holding a phallus in either hand.

Tiddybot is reporting for duty in Xenoblade 2, and will be available as a rare blade. Armed with powerful tiddy thrusters that can vaporize planets in the blink of an eye, she will make your enemies quiver in fear. They will die of dread before she can even remove her G-cup limiters from her fertile cannons. It’s like she’s packing two Death Stars in her top.

She will be bringing all of her power to the table, even her signature move, Tiddy Zap. Not to be confused with ZZ Top, popular 70’s blues rock band.

She’s not Japanese exclusive, though her breasts will be significantly toned down for the American release, and will no longer remove her armor and squeeze her chest until lasers shoot out like in the Japanese release.

The American version of the game will instead have her pull out a hyper-realistic, military-grade assault rifle and unload hell into her opponents’ skulls, bathing the earth around them in a bloody pink mist, with bonus X-ray special effects to truly see the level of gory devastation that she’s unleashing upon them. That way it’s family-friendly, and can keep its humble T rating.

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 releases exclusively for Nintendo Switch on December 1st.