Pope Francis Declares Pit Bulls God's Most Blessed Creation

Pit Bulls are one of the most controversial breeds of dog, due to their reputation as violent and potentially lethal. However, they're still one of the most popular dogs in the country, with many defending the breed and saying the dogs are not as bad as they're made out to be, and that it's an issue of bad owners and not bad dogs. This argument can get rather heated, with some calling for all pit bulls to be put down and for the breed to be wiped out entirely. Which some argue is genocide. They're living things, after all, it's not like banning a weapon.

But Pope Francis has come out and voiced God's opinion on the matter. And made it quite clear. God loves pit bulls. God created them, after all. They're one of God's creations. And God has blessed them with their powerful jaws, and their insatiable appetites. Why would God give them these things? Are you accusing God of making a mistake? Or are you saying Satan created them? Are you saying Satan has the power of creation, just like God? Are you saying Satan is just as powerful as God? That's simply wrong, and you're a heretic if you think so. Clearly, this is God's will. And you can't argue with God.

God has put pit bulls on Earth for a reason. All of God's beautiful creations are here with purpose. And the pit bull is here as one of God's most blessed, most cherished creatures. I mean, just look at them. They look like precious angels.

"God does not make mistakes. God has made pit bulls, and it is God's will what they do. I understand how losing a child can be painful. But you must remember God's plan. It is all God's plan. Turn to the Book of Job. God causes Job suffering. But it's for his betterment, isn't it? Job learns an important and valuable lesson, and it's through suffering. Suffering is the key. You need to discipline a child in order for them to grow up to not be spoiled, and entitled. And a pit bull is God's way of disciplining His children. We are all God's toddlers, you see, and God has not allowed all of us to be eaten by His pit bulls. You see?" Pope Francis explained, bringing in several pit bulls and allowing them to roam freely, reassuring the choir boys that they would not be harmed. Unless it was God's will, and in that case they should fully accept it, for God has decided it was their time to go.

The crowd was mesmerized by this spectacle, a divine miracle some may even say, the way Pope Francis seemed to have some kind of control over the beasts. Like an X-Men or something. There's an X-Men that does that, right? Beast Boy? Aquaman? One of them. I don't know. But you can see, clearly, that their power is received through God's divine power. Even Wolverine gets his power through his submission to Christ. It's in the comics. Look it up.

So next time your toddler gets eaten by a pit bill, please remember. It's all God's plan. Those dogs are here to stay. God has willed it.