I Fucking Hate Snoopy

I fucking hate Snoopy. Stupid little bitch-ass dog, piece of shit. I fucking hate him. What’s he ever done? I’ll tell you what. Jack shit.

That fucking dog is such a fucking cunt. You see the way he treats Charlie Brown? His fucking owner? The guy that feeds him? Man’s best friend my ass. He’s a disrespectful little shit. Charlie Brown should kick his fucking ass.

He took over the whole fucking series. Charlie Brown is supposed to be the main character. But no. Fucking Snoopy. He stole the series from his owner, he’s always trying to smash Peppermint Patty even though she clearly likes his owner, and the little bitch has the balls to demand food from him after all that. Snoopy is gonna burn in Hell.

Snoopy’s Grand Adventure, available on PS4, Xbox One, Xbox 360, Wii U, and 3DS.

Snoopy is such a fucking dick. Who the fuck does he think he is, walking on two feet like he thinks he’s hot shit. Lemme tell you, Snoopy. You ain’t shit. You ain’t shit, Snoopy. Go to Hell you piece of shit. Useless cunt. All you ever do is lay around, eat, and do that queer LARPing thing. You think you’re in a war or something, you think you’re shooting down enemy pilots? You’re a fucking disrespect to this whole fucking country and all of its veterans.

Listen here, Snoop. You’re a joke. A loser. And sooner or later, you’ll have to wake up from your little fantasy world. No one likes you. You’re an obnoxious dick to everyone. Your owner and all of his friends. You think you’re so cool, but you’re a middle-aged dog trying to fit in with a bunch of children. Trying to pose as a fucking college student with those stupid fucking sunglasses while you hit on little girls. That’s some creepy-ass shit, man. Pretty sure what you’re trying to do with Peppermint Patty isn’t just morally wrong, it’s illegal.

Using your ears as propellers to fly like a helicopter isn’t fucking physically possible you dumb fucking dog. Your clear disregard for physics and gravity are not funny. You think you’re some kind of harmless cartoon, but what happens when some kid decides to fly like Snoopy and fucking jumps from the Empire State Building, huh? Not only do you prey on them like the twisted sexual deviant you are, you’re a bad fucking influence on them too. You should really be locked up. You should be getting the electric chair or something.

I can’t stand this stupid fucking dog, man. I just fucking hate him. Can you believe this guy? Can you fucking believe it? He’s a menace to society. And it’s about time we all stood up to him and said no. No, Snoopy. No.

Your days of exploring lands of make-believe and collecting jelly beans are coming to a fucking end, Snoop. Hear me and hear me well. The day will come. Oh yes, mark my words, Snoop. Your day of reckoning is coming. When an evil wind will blow through your little playworld, and wipe that smug smile off your face. And I’ll be there, in all my glory, watching. Watching as it all comes crumbling down.

Wearing all your silly costumes, masquerading as different people just to fit in. Who even are you, Snoop? Who are you, really? Do you even know anymore? You don’t even look like a beagle. Ugly fucking dog. You hide behind your many masks, preying on little kids and abusing your owner, escaping your sick reality with all your little escapist diversions. The only thing you ever really have to look forward to is your owner dropping whatever meaty slop you eat into your little dish. The owner that will eventually snap, that will eventually get sick of your abusive bullshit and have you put down.

But maybe that’s what you want. Huh, Snoopy? Is that what you fucking want? Is your self-destructive indulgence of food, underage girls, and sadistic treatment of your owner all just you looking for a way out? Hoping someone will stop you, help you? Hoping that you pass painlessly in your sleep, choking on your own vomit or put down in a safe and humane manner?

Well I’ve got something to tell you, Snoop. I’m gonna make your life a living hell. I will make you regret every second of your life. I will fucking waterboard you.

That’s right, Snoopy. You walk through that fucking door. Give up. Quit. That’s all you can do. That’s your only way out.

Go ahead, Snoop. Turn your back on the world. Delve deeper into the lies you tell yourself. No one will ever love you, Snoop. You’ll never find anything to fill the void in your soul. You’re an empty husk. If you weren’t a fucking asshole, one might be inclined to feel sorry for you. But no, not you. You deserve to have your balls nailed to a cross and your guts pecked out by crows.

You useless piece of shit. I fucking hate you. Kill yourself.