Sony Announces PlayStation Bus Pass

Following a sharp crash in Sony stock, PlayStation has finally found their Xbox Game Pass killer. With Sony's new PlayStation Bus Pass, they'll finally be able to recapture some of their dwindling market share.

"Why sit inside and stare at a screen, when the whole world can be your open-world game?" Sony said in their official announcement. "None of your games are fun anymore anyway, right? You're getting bored with all of your games, they're all the same. No one actually enjoys games anymore. Go outside. Touch grass."

With the new PlayStation Bus Pass, you can get unlimited free rides on your local public transportation service for one day, three days, seven days, or even a whopping thirty day pass. Thirty whole days of free bus rides. Can you believe that?

You don't actually want to play games anymore. Go outside.

"When was the last time you even enjoyed a game? Why are you even paying for Xbox Game Pass? You haven't played a new game in years. You're still replaying Skyrim right now, aren't you? Are you gonna buy the remaster of the remaster? You're just buying games and putting them on a shelf, and with Xbox Game Pass you don't even own the shelf anymore. We're confident this new business venture will really recapture the imagination of gamers everywhere." Sony explained, promising investors their stock would surely bounce back after Microsoft's acquisition of Activision Blizzard.

You know, I kinda thought they had a point. PlayStation Bus Pass isn't available to the market yet, but I figured I haven't actually gone outside in a hot minute. So I went out and got on the bus, and just watched the scenery go by. It's actually kind of soothing. Reminds me of when I used to go the school, and would ride the school bus, so it definitely nails the nostalgia factor that all good games need.

The only problem here is that I rode it too far and I don't actually know where I am anymore, and it's kind of scary. I'm typing this news story from a McDonalds with Wi-Fi, if you see this can you please send help? There are minorities outside and I'm scared. There's a gas station across the street, maybe that's a landmark you can use to find me? There's no mini-map and I can't figure out how to fast travel back.