Square Enix Sells Off Gaming Studios In Order To Purchase Rare Ape NFT

After disappointing sales from the latest installments from major franchises such as Tomb Raider and Deus Ex, Square Enix decided that the money they'd poured into these games would be much better invested in something real. Something like an NFT of a cool monkey.

I mean, it's a no-brainer. A new Tomb Raider game? How many tombs can one person possibly raid? And a woman at that. Look, I just have my doubts. How many Tomb Raider games are there now, like twelve? There aren't even that many tombs in the world. I'm pretty sure only like three or four people were important enough to have a whole tomb. There's the pyramids, that's like one tomb. And then what? People just want more Tomb Raider games so they can make those animations of her with werewolves or whatever the fuck I see on those sites. You know the ones.

Square Enix raised about $300 million USD from the sale of these massive studios and their IP, enough for exactly one rare NFT of a monkey.

"This stands to be a much more wise investment for all of us. I mean, look at this thing. We've practically made back all of the money we spent already. Not literally or anything, but the value on this thing, wew. It's appreciating alright. We've had to increase our profit forecast, because this thing's value is going through the roof." Square Enix's president Yosuke Matsuda made the official statement to the shareholders meeting. "Tomb Raider and Deus Ex were never gonna make us this much."

Square Enix is already considering how to begin using their new NFT, with some of the ideas that have been brought up including renting it out, a subscription service, and maybe even selling printed copies of it. Oddly enough, when I suggested making a game about it, Matsuda didn't seem to understand at first, and thought I meant licensing it out to Hasbro to make a Monopoly set out of it. I reminded him that he does in run a game company, but by then he had already moved on to potential Funko POP figure sales.

God, if only I had multiple game studios to sell for an NFT. Maybe I should remortgage my house or something.