god help us Barron Trump Chosen To Pilot Experimental Mecha To Fight Alien Menace President Trump's very own son Barron was given a great honor late last night, when NASA announced completion of their latest project. Three experimental cyborg mechas were given the green
breaking news BREAKING: The Q In Q-Anon Stands For Quizno's Authorities have finally figured out the identity of the mysterious hacker 4Chan, leader of Anonymous. Their latest plot, dubbed "Q-Anon", was an absolute mystery to federal agents, as the hacker
breaking news Biden And Trump Unite To Stop Space Colony ARK From Crashing Into Earth In a shocking turn of events, the Democratic convention ended with both Biden and Trump hand in hand. The two eternal rivals were forced to team up in a surprise
furries Trump Adds Fur Affinity To Growing List Of Banned Social Media Platforms The war against TikTok and WeChat was only the beginning for President Trump, as he's now taken to banning even more problematic social networking sites from operating. Popular furry website
the end times Kanye Forges Pact With Merkabah, Throne Chariot of God, To Cleanse America Of Sin One of the most powerful humans on Earth and presidential hopeful Kanye West has just ascended to an even higher plane of being. Throne Chariot of God and Archangel Merkabah
breaking news Ghislaine Maxwell: "The 1% Get High And Play Kirby Air Ride All Day" The world has been waiting with baited breath for the trial of Ghislaine Maxwell, if it'll ever come. Some fear she won't survive long enough to testify. The long-time accomplice
north korea Kim Jong-un: "Port Mario Party 2 To PS5 Or I Launch Nukes" Tensions with North Korea are escalating once again. Kim Jong-un has issued an unwavering demand. Mario Party 2 on PS5, or else. Trump officials met with Kim Jong-un to negotiate,
world news Protestors Urged To Insert Disc 2 As D.C. Is Engulfed In Flames Rioting nationwide has raged out of control, President Donald Trump has gone into hiding within a bunker, and the nation must now insert the second disc into the PlayStation console
anal World Health Organization Issues New Guidelines Suggesting Regular Anal Bleaching To Prevent Spread Of COVID-19 The WHO issued new guidelines today in the ongoing battle against the international COVID-19 pandemic. The virus, which seems to spread in every way imaginable, has left many in a
breaking BREAKING: Goku Has Died Of Coronavirus It’s a sad day for all of Planet Earth. The world’s savior and hero, Goku, has passed away due to Coronavirus, which has been spreading like
