"The Brave Little Toaster Gets Top Surgery" Coming To Disney Plus

Major streaming services have been locked in fierce competition with one another as the market begins to get a little overcrowded. Netflix, Disney, Amazon, Paramount, everyone with a handful of IP are deciding they'd rather milk their own subscription service over playing nice with others. And with all these corporations drawing the lines in the sand, the war for content has begun.

With every major company digging deep into their libraries, remastering and remaking everything they can, and funding new projects to bring exclusive shows and movies to their platforms, we've been getting a lot of weird stuff that no one quite asked for. Live action remakes of animes, live action remakes of Disney classics, seriously does anyone want live action remakes of anything? And Marvel shows, so many Marvel shows. Does anyone actually want an entire TV series to flesh out what happens to Poopoo Peepee Man who is on screen for two seconds in whatever fucking movie?

But finally, Disney is making something actually good that people would actually watch. We're finally getting a new Brave Little Toaster movie. The Brave Little Toaster, childhood icon to many during the era of VHS tapes and animation that wasn't low-budget 3D garbage, will finally be getting their first new movie in over a decade.

Disney will be grappling many modern topics with the new movie, addressing Toaster's gender identity and the medical procedures they'll go through. The struggle with prescription painkillers that Toaster will develop after the surgery, and how this will impact their relationships with all the other appliances. The movie will take place after a time skip, meaning some characters will be aged up, and others will unfortunately be gone. Kirby the vacuum is dead, and has been replaced with a Roomba that is named Roomby. Blanky, the blanket, has developed multiple personality disorder, after being used to wrap up the dead body of a child and store the corpse in a freezer for several months. Blanky now thinks about smothering humans to death, but really only wants to warm and comfort them. The intrusive thoughts that plague Blanky's subconscious have caused their personality to split as a coping mechanism, and this "evil Blanky" now haunts Blanky's mind constantly. Blanky and "evil Blanky" will square off with Toaster to explore what it really means to be mentally ill. What parts of us we can change, what parts we can't, what parts are real and which parts aren't. What does it mean to be alive? To be an individual, to be "normal"? Does everything need to be "cured"? And can the "cure" be different for different people? Different illnesses?

This will be Disney's most bold and daring movie yet, and explore the world of the Brave Little Toaster like no one ever has before. This may even beat out Paramount Plus' new Spongebob movie, Squidward's Toenail: Revengeance. But all of these media juggernauts will have to pull out all of their biggest guns if they want to beat the new Netflix special, which is actually just 48 hours of raw, unedited footage of an overweight couple on MDMA locked in a room having the most disgusting sex you've ever seen.

You must consume more media. Go watch more shows. If you don't watch the correct shows you will be ostracized from your social groups. Go, watch. Consume. Now. You can't go outside anymore, it's too dangerous. There are shootings and diseases. Sit inside, watch things. It's for your own good.