Ukraine Deploys Freddy Fazbear On Invading Russian Forces

Tensions between Ukraine and Russia have escalated into a full-scale invasion, and Ukraine is not backing down without a fight. The world may very well be on the brink of total war that could change our lives as we know them.

This is extremely serious, and tragic. Really, it's no laughing matter. The loss of life will be great, and innocent people will die for the sake of the rich and powerful. This is not something to joke about, it really isn't. Our lives are just pieces in their little game of chess. But what else can we do? The world must go on. Some people need a laugh right now. Some people will never understand the weight of what goes on in the world until it's at their doorstep, but some people just need something to keep them going through the day, so they can carry out their essential role of eating pizza rolls and jacking off to cartoons or whatever it is you do. What do you do? Do you do anything?

Regardless, this is why Ukraine has decided the stakes are too high, and that drastic measures are necessary. Me, I told them they were insane and that the risks were too great. But they told me there was no other choice. Freddy Fazbear has been deployed. And he's fucking shit up.

Fazbear is reported to have plowed through Russia's forces, overturned four tanks, and somehow taken out two choppers and a fighter jet. Ukrainian forces have rallied behind Fazbear, although no one wants to get too close just in case. There's concerns as to how they'll secure and bring him in once he's done, but the hope is that the two forces will neutralize each other. I think Freddy Fazbear is about equal to all of Russia's combined military might, that sounds about right doesn't it?

Some fear that Russia may have something up their sleeve as well, and Putin has made vague threats that he might in fact be in possession of Sans Undertale. Such weapons of mass destruction could cause unspeakable horror across the planet. Our hopes and prayers go out to all the people of Ukraine.

They are not your friends. Russians, Ukrainians, Americans. NATO, the UN, the Kremlin, the White House. Those are labels for us, but not for them. It's the rich versus the poor, and they always seem to win. We always seem to lose. The ouroboros bites its tail. We die, they live.

Never forget that they don't care about you.