A GameStop employee was in quite the shock yesterday after accidentally creating adrenochrome, the mythical drug supposedly used by the wealthy elite.
"I dunno man, I was just doing my job. We'd just gotten an Xbox traded in, I was scraping all of the... whatever it is, out of the crevices of the controller. I think it's dead skin maybe? Or some kind of flavor powder from Doritos or something. I was using the cleaner stuff, it's this unmarked bottle of purple juice. Some kind of industrial surface cleaner I guess. And well, I just snorted the mixture off the paper towel."
The employee, who we will be keeping anonymous for his own safety, said the high was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. And, like any GameStop employee, he's definitely tried quite a few ways to cope already. But this topped anything you could even imagine.
The fabled drug, which is supposedly made by human trafficking and organ harvesting, will be open for pre-order starting in September. GameStop has refused to clarify if the drug is made from the blood of tortured children, crushed up brain stems, or is used for Satanic rituals or orgies. It honestly might just be whatever the fuck they fill beanbag chairs with, ground up into a fine powder.
When asked why he would attempt snorting a concoction of controller residue and industrial strength surface cleaner, he simply responded "I just work here, man."
In completely unrelated news, GameStop has been bought out by The Clinton Foundation.