There was some confusion when Nickelodeon tweeted out that Spongebob was LGBTQ. Many took it as confirmation that he was gay. But as it turns out, he's a pedophile. Nickelodeon issued another tweet clearing it up today.
The flamboyant sponge, though confirmed to be asexual by the original creator and suspected of being gay for quite some time, is actually neither. He's very straight, he just loves differently than anyone else. He's a child at heart, and because of his innocence he can really only find love that's truly meaningful and satisfying physically, mentally, emotionally, and physically satisfying with women in the same headspace as him. The ones that are a child at heart, but also in their body, and age range.
"Spongebob is a MAP, and he's in a consensual relationship with Mr. Krabs' daughter Pearl. For the record, he's not a pedophile. She's 16 years old, look it up. That's legal in, like, Japan. It's called hebephilia. She's not a child, she's a very mature for her age young woman." Nickelodeon's official account tweeted.
"It's perfectly normal for a man in his 30's or 40's to take a high school girl to her prom and for them to like, kiss and things. We here at Nickelodeon fully support MAPs, including our very own Dan Schneider. We love showing our MAP pride! #LGBT"
Spongebob and Pearl have allegedly had an ongoing intimate relationship all through the series, ever since the episode where he takes her to prom, according to Nickelodeon. They've definitely fucked. It's canon.
Nickelodeon will be celebrating Pride Month all June by retweeting porn of the characters from their hit show "The Loud House", which has a very active adult fanbase for some reason.