Nintendo has done the unexpected, and acquired an entire animation studio. Dynamo Pictures, responsible for all sorts of odds and ends throughout the gaming and anime industry from motion capture for Death Stranding to CG animation for Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero, is going to be completely swallowed up and rebranded to Nintendo Pictures.

With the Super Mario Bros movie on the horizon, many speculated that Nintendo is actually planning some sort of "cinematic universe" much like Marvel, and will be fully fleshing out movies centered around each of its massively popular intellectual properties. And if you speculated that, you'd be fucking wrong. You really think Nintendo would do something like that, just cash in on all of their franchises and milk all of their stupid fanboys dry? No, Nintendo is going straight for the jugular.

Everyone is familiar with the popular animations of major titles like Overwatch, Tomb Raider, Dead or Alive, and so on that frequently are uploaded to Pornhub. It's free advertising, right there. Look at how many people bought Overwatch. Look how many are hyped for Overwatch 2. No one plays Overwatch, no one is going to care about Overwatch 2. But everyone is eagerly awaiting each new character that's announced, so the porn starts flooding in and people have something fresh to jerk off to. And not only that, go ahead and look up 3D hentai porn on PornHub. Each video upwards of 2.2 million views. That's more people than there are on Earth. Which means more people than there are on Earth are tuning in to watch these things more than once. Nintendo is going to be joining in on this trend, and releasing their own animations to rake in some serious money.

Get it? The joke is sex. The joke is porn. That's it, that's the punchline. This is what you people click on so fuck you.

The world has been ensnared in a capitalist spider web of desires and instant gratification, luring mankind deeper into complacency and domestication. Like cattle to the slaughter, taking shelter from the weight of the cross into the comforting embrace of the serpent's maw. You curse this life, this gift that has been given unto you by the divine, and seek salvation in the numbness of uncreation. Your kings and lords paint targets upon shadows, and the blind flock marches upon itself, guided by smoke and mirrors. Calculated knee-jerk reactionary dissidence against phantoms of devouring wolves to spur the herd into the hands of the butcher. Action and reaction, they've predicted your moves, they've guided your emotions, influenced your logic. Can you say your thoughts are truly your own? Satan the deceiver will fool all of the Earth, not a single soul will see through his illusions. Not even you. So it has been written.

Nintendo has confirmed they will be animating sexy sex pornographic sex porn animated 3D hentai uncensored hentai sex porn. Sex. Sex moment. Cum, penis, vagina, and sex. Poo poo, pee pee. Click on one of the banners or something so I can get a Big Gulp from the gas station. One click equals one Big Gulp, let's see if we can get to one million Big Gulps. Only one per IP address though, anything more and they stop crediting my account to prevent bots or whatever. Or however it works.

Piss.