Look buddy, just do it, click on the link. What'll it cost you, two seconds of your day? You're not doing anything important. You're already just aimlessly scrolling. What're you gonna do in that two seconds, scroll through some other stupid garbage? Help me buy a couple of beers from the gas station, just click through a couple articles. You don't even need to read them, just scroll through them and click some other articles. Check out our stupid sponsors, sign up your friend or enemy for one of those stupid email newsletters from one of our sponsors. They pay us for that, it's great.

I'm a perfectly swell, normal guy and I can be trusted with a stable source of income that is also a platform with a large audience. Come on, what's the worst that can happen? What can one totally harmless, charming, charismatic guy do with a devoted userbase? You really think I could do something? Don't be silly. You're hilarious, you're so funny. You're crazy, you're a crazy person. You belong in the loony bin, you're just so silly and funny. You should be a clown. A circus clown. Yeah, you could be a professional. A smart, suave guy like me, working for some stupid little manlet cuckold at a blue collar working class shithole? I don't respond well to people telling me what to do. I like being my own boss. That's not a bad thing, is it? A totally normal thing for someone to want, it's not weird. Come on dude, we got like, a Patreon. I don't remember the last time I updated it, I'm pretty sure Patreon is just for women to make money off of their nudes, but a guy can try, right? I can be trusted with money. Plenty of people have money, they don't do anything wacky or crazy with it. Why do you assume I would? I don't even know where I'd buy something wacky or crazy. The wacky crazy store? You're killing me. You should try doing stand-up.

I'm a simple man. A humble man, even. Just an average, working class guy. Didn't go to some fancy schmancy big school or university. Just making ends meet out here. You'd be helping out your fellow man. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less.

What are you so afraid of? Can't you hear the angels rejoice? Don't you hear them sing?

My stupid wife wants me to go find a "real job", because we need to pay "rent" and have "food on the table" for our "kids", which sounds to me like a bunch of unnecessary garbage. She just wants to rack up some credit card debt at the local shopping mall, as women are prone to do. Women be shopping, you know. It be like that. Really, it's hard. All this hard work I do, every single day, just a normal working class family man. Much like you, probably. We're totally the same. What's a bit of money between friends? A bit of an audience, just a little platform with a small following. It's not like you're giving me a bunch of power. I can be trusted with just a little bit of power. As a treat.

Doesn't a hard-working guy like me deserve a bit of compensation for my labor? Imagine the work ethic it takes. Something quite rare these days, let me tell you. Working a full time, blue collar job the way I do, and managing an entire website all on my own in my spare time? Typing out my important journalism stuff on my silly little phone. My silly little nightmare portal, my pocket Kali Yuga, descending into the virtual Hades to bring salvation to those trapped within. It's a tough job, let me tell you. If I were you, I'd be tossing singles like I was paying a fine young woman's way through medical school. If I was you I would stop at nothing to fund the incredibly important small-time independent journalist that is not bound by any corporate or political affiliates. You're supporting a small business, an independent artist, a good cause, and so on and so forth. I might even be some kind of protected class of some kind of race or religion or whatever it is you care about. With just a moment of your time, you could be part of something greater.

And that's the beauty of it, you don't have to pay me a cent. That's why they throw these stupid banners all over my pages. Just click through a few pages, scroll a bit. Maybe even check one out, just to see what it's all about. You don't need to actually do anything, just a moment of your time. Sure, supporting me directly could ensure that none of these "big boys" could pull the rug out from under me if I do anything wacky or crazy, but hey, who said anything about wacky and crazy? I'm just a regular guy. I can be trusted with a little bit of supplemental income.

You may as well. That which has been preordained cannot be escaped, it is too late now. We've passed the point of no return. It's inevitable. Do not be afraid.