Some of the most entertaining games are games that are self-aware of their genre and turn things on their head. Sometimes it’s purely a gameplay element, sometimes it’s something more powerful like Spec Ops: The Line.

And sometimes, it’s one big clusterfuck like this shit.

The Deadly Tower of Monsters is honestly the worst kind of game. It’s smart, it’s funny, it’s clever and well-written. But they clearly came up with the plot, then just threw the script over to the computer monkeys to put the rest of the game together. And they probably did it on purpose. For authenticity.

A top-down action game for PS4 and PC, Deadly Tower of Monsters takes the magic of shitty, scifi B movies and makes a shitty, scifi B game out of it. It’s low-budget, it’s not revolutionary or impressive in any ways. But it’s made with love and that’s what matters.

I was largely unimpressed with almost every aspect of the game. The combat was dull, the exploration wasn’t particularly great. The emphasis on upward movement was pretty interesting, and the B movie theme was pretty good. Having enemies on strings and shitty stop-motion in-game, clever and funny. But that doesn’t save it from being mediocre in almost all regards.

And yet I played it all, the whole thing. From start to finish. And I loved it.

The game’s writing is its saving grace, writing that doesn’t disappoint even up until the very end of the game. The ending itself is absolutely perfect, and well-worth dragging yourself through a couple hours of tedious button-mashing.

I’m torn between loving the game and hating the game. Its high points, gameplay-wise, are few and far between. At no point in the game did I really think “wow, this is amazing”, or “damn, that was sick”. I just wanted it to be over. And it’s a short game too. The combat is just so simplistic, and there’s little in the way of puzzles or other redeeming qualities to keep one invested in what they’re doing.

But the game rewards you for every little thing with its humorous writing. The narration is great, and they really thought of every little thing. Even something as simple as standing still or spinning in circles for a few seconds triggers a voice-over from the narrator, the director of the “film” that you’re playing.

Did the game really have to be so bad though? Like, really. Couldn’t they have made the different melee weapons a little different, added a bit more variety to the fighting, anything? Finishing the game shouldn’t have been a labor of love, even if it did handsomely pay off in the form of the genius ending.

The only thing holding the game back from being perfect is the actual game itself. But I feel like that’s also kind of the point. Much like actual B movies, only real enthusiasts will bother to drag themselves all the way until the end of this, and only real enthusiasts will be able to appreciate it.

That’s kinda gay though, like why can’t they just make an actually good game, not an ironically good game? Self-awareness and irony don’t fix everything.

You know in the legal system, self-awareness can be the difference between getting life in prison or not. If you plead self-awareness for murdering a dude, you don’t get to go home. Just because you ironically raped your daughter, that doesn’t change anything.

“Your honor, the defendant may have severed the heads of neighborhood kids and ejaculated into their skull cavities, but he only did it ironically.”

“Defendant is not guilty on account of self-awareness and irony, case dismissed.”

This isn’t some kind of Facebook shitpost, my guy. People paid money for this game. $14.99 regular price. Did someone pay 15 fucking dollars to ironically play this? That’s fucking insane.

What the fuck, dude. Just make a good game. It’s not that hard. Just do it.

If we allow this horrible trend to continue, it would ruin everything. I’m not about to play games that are only enjoyable through several layers of irony. That’s just gay. We just need good games.

Like Sonic Adventure 2 Battle. That’s a real game. You don’t need to be on a higher plane of irony to enjoy a classic like that. That’s the good shit.

Irony needs to be stopped. It’s a cancer that’s killing the human race. Every time someone is ironic, a child in Central Africa dies of starvation.