The Nintendo Switch has been enjoying runaway success since launch, and many people in the industry have taken notice.

Many developers have started including the Switch for their big budget titles. Many have started porting things over to establish a library on the platform.

But Sony doesn’t see the money in it. Sony, the current reining leader of the industry, sees no opportunities at all with the hybrid console market. They don’t even understand how the Switch could possibly be selling.

The fuck you mean people are buying it?

We got to sit down with Mr. Yoshida for an exclusive interview, in which he seemed rather upset. The table was littered with strange devices, which looked something like PSP consoles, but somewhat sleeker and more modern.

“We at Sony really do not see any long-term opportunity within the hybrid console market. In fact, we’re fairly certain that there is no such thing as a Switch. I have not seen them at stores anywhere, and the boxes on eBay that are being resold by scalpers are probably just filled with rocks. My personal theory is potatoes, they are more lightweight and seem more believable.” Yoshida explained.

“The consumer has already demonstrated that they have no interest in these consoles. They didn’t buy the Vita. If the consumer had no interest in playing console games like Mortal Kombat or Playstation All-Stars: Battle Royale on the go, why would they buy this fruity toy?” He went on, but immediately stopped and grew silent when I questioned him on what a “Vita” was. He immediately insisted I leave the room, and began to scream for security.

Later in the evening I received a phone call from an apologetic Yoshida, which sounded like it was coming from inside a shower. He profusely apologized, and promised me that the PS5 would actually be a new PSP console, and would launch with Knack 3. He immediately hung up, and any attempts to get in touch with him have lead nowhere.

As to what this might mean, I am not entirely sure. But the official statement I’ve been given from Sony reads “We have nothing to say on the matter”, and “Knack 3 is currently not in development”.

Yoshida has left me on seen ever since, and I have been patiently awaiting his response. I will be updating this story when he gets back to me.