A number of harmful, false, and defamatory statements have come out about YouTube. Creators have been wrongfully accusing the platform of being "racist" and "favoring white creators", and this is simply untrue and laughable. No, YouTube is not "racist". How can a website be racist? Stupid, it's a website. It's not a human. That's like saying a rock is racist. And YouTube has a black friend on top of it. Clearly they like some black people.

"These claims have no merit. You can ask WorldStar, they'll vouch for us. We love the colored people community, and love to see them thriving on that website. It's great, really, it's so great that they have a platform like WorldStar, where they can feel at home, something so unique and integral to their culture. We value our creators of color, and want to raise them up so that they can feel like they can do just as well as our regular creators on our platform. Their culture and their voices are important and they matter to us. They've contributed such relevant videos to our platform like "bruh moment" and "Funniest Crackhead Compilation!" which have paved the way for reaction channels to improve the content by allowing regular people to commentate on just how wacky they are. Like throwing peanuts at zoo animals or something and making them dance. It's a symbiotic relationship." YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki said in an official statement, denouncing the horrible allegations.

"We are NOT racist, and any black creator can expect fair treatment on our website. Sure, it's great that they also have their own website, and if they decide to post there instead, more power to them. But we're not trying to keep them off our site. We just try to hold ourselves to a more professional standard."

There's another black guy right here. Coincidence?

"All of the allegations of us playing favorites or being racist are ridiculous. Black creators do NOT only make three-fifths of the ad revenue that white creators make, we don't give white creators any special treatment, and we literally have black friends. Would we be friends with the people at WorldStar if we were racist? If you're noticing some kind of pattern, I think that says something about you. We don't even see color. We don't. We don't watch your dumb videos, we just make money off of them. We don't care if you're white, black, green, or purple. Just as long as we can run four unskippable ads on your video." Susan clarified, adding that it only APPEARS that black creators are favored less because their videos just so happen to be of a lesser quality. On average. Not all of them. But like, on average, compared to the regular creators. Her words, not mine.

YouTube assured everyone in an official statement that they would be working harder to make sure the colored folk community feel more represented and accepted on the platform, and promise to highlight black creators by forcing Markiplier to play NBA instead of all those jump-scare horror games. Which are racist, on account of being adjacent to horror movies, which are always racist because they always kill off the black guy first.

I'm glad we could put this horrible misunderstanding behind us. You guys can't just be pulling the race card on us all the time just because something isn't going your way. Slavery is over. Get over it. You had Obama, you had Drake. That's enough. Just make your videos and stop ruining everything for the rest of us. YouTubers, I mean. Not white people. I'm actually Italian.