The balance of the universe was gravely upset this week as our world’s Supreme Papa was purged from existence. While unprecedented in the history of our universe, a Papa was indeed found to be malevolent, and his reign had to be brought to a swift end.
As you all should know, our world is watched over by the Supreme Papa. They are beings of creation and life, and they exist to keep the balance between creation and destruction. While a Supreme Papa typically rules for eons upon eons, it is in fact possible for a Supreme Papa to die, as ours has.
Supreme Papa John was found to be unfitting in his role as guardian of our universe during a press conference, in which he happened to drop a certain “N word”. The slur, often used by deities towards mortals, was originally pulled out of context from the interview and alone was not worthy of his dismissal. However, things got much darker upon further investigation.
It was found that Supreme Papa John was actually messing with the Ingredient Rings. The Ingredient Rings, closely guarded by the Supreme Papa, control just how much better the ingredients and pizza are. Each Ingredient Ring represents another ingredient that a Papa has used on a Pizza, and they may alter the very flow of ingredients themselves.
Supreme Papa John had intended to control all of the ingredients, as he felt humanity was an ugly, inferior race undeserving of his pizza. While there is little above a Supreme Papa, Supreme Papa John had indeed aimed to surpass his lofty roles to become the Grand Papa. The One Papa. Papa of All Things. Supreme Papa John felt that if he could wipe the universe of all mortal life, it would finally be beautiful again.
When this plot was discovered, Supreme Papa John was immediately stripped of his title and destroyed with pure destruction energy. Nothing of him remains, in any timeline, and will be promptly replaced by a new Papa in training.
Supreme Papa John was 56 million years old. No service will be held for him, and his likeness and image will be wiped from all of the company’s ads.