Meta, formerly Facebook, has lost billions investing in the "Metaverse". What the "Metaverse" is, I don't think anyone has ever properly explained to anyone. It's like virtual reality? Except everyone is inside a Walmart brand Wii Sports world? And no one had legs, except at one point they confirmed legs were coming, but they actually just lied about that. I don't really know why.
Like, would people have started using Metaverse if it had legs in it? Was that a deciding factor for some people? Ah, yes. Legs. Now I think I'll purchase a Meta VR headset, since they have legs now. Before I saw that legs were added, I was a complete skeptic. But now that I have seen legs, I am definitely going to purchase a VR headset and start to hold my work meetings inside a Wii Sports bowling alley. I think it's a bit weirder that they lied about it. I don't think I would have noticed if my character had legs or not. Anyway, Meta has lost so much money, Mark Zuckerberg has gotten particularly desperate to try and save the Metaverse. He is willing to do anything. And I mean anything.
"In the newest Metaverse update, we have added functioning genitalia to all of the avatars. Users may select which genitals they like, and can choose when to turn them on and off. When activated, they will become aroused, and can be used to perform tasks within the Metaverse". Zuckerberg explained, tears streaming from his bubbling reptile eyes.
"And I'll be here all day, every day. Please, just join the Metaverse. Come meet me in the Metaverse, and I'll make it worth your time. You'll never want to leave. I'm not logging off until we've got over a million active users. I'll be here around the clock to service all your needs. We're adding legs, we're gonna add feet. I'll have feet, and I'll do whatever you want with them. I, okay look, I'll even get them to add functioning orifices for the mouth, and the, you know. The exit. I just want you guys to know how much I love you, and how much I love Metaverse. And I want you to know how much I believe in the future of Metaverse. One day people will log on here just to like, hang out and stuff. Do normal human things. Hang out, and uhhh. Fly a kite. Or play some frisbee. I've always wanted to play frisbee, I think it would be really fun." Mark Zuckerberg's Metaverse avatar explained in a promotional video for the Metaverse.
Mark Zuckerberg proceeded to jerk off seventeen Meta employees, in real life, as some sort of demonstration for what was possible inside the Metaverse. But we've yet to see any actual footage of Zuckerberg giving anyone a proper handjob inside the Metaverse, and part of me wonders if this is also just some kind of desperate lie to get people to start using it. They didn't even provide some kind of pre-rendered animation like when they announced the legs, it was just about an hour and a half of Mark Zuckerberg wordlessly stroking some very average looking cocks and not reacting at all like some kind of robot sex doll when they'd bust all over his face. I could've swore some got in his eye, and he didn't even blink.
Get inside the computer. You can live forever. Live forever inside the computer. There are no demons inside the computers, you can live inside safely and nothing can hurt you. Let your husk of a body decay, and return to the dust. You have no need for it anymore. Together we shall join as one, inside the virtual paradise of Metaverse.