Nintendo has been on a roll with whoring out all of its franchises as of late. They’ve finally caught on, merchandising is the ticket to big money.

Cheap plastic, t-shirts emblazoned with logos or characters, it’s all so easy. Two birds with one stone. People are paying for free advertising. Walking billboards, constant reminders of their products seated right in your own home. And people eat it up all so willingly.

But Nintendo has crossed a line now. They’ve gone too far. In a world where businesses and corporations can do as they please, they have finally committed an act so vile that the world must speak out.

Disgusting furries

Build-A-Bear Workshop and Nintendo have teamed up to bring furry sex dolls to children and creeps the world over. Parents all over are outraged by this gross misstep, with companies really trying to sell their children furry paraphilia.

Build-A-Bear’s new Eevee plush, which sports a 14-inch deep fuckhole under its tail and vibrating insides, is currently still being sold in stores and online despite the backlash. They’ve actually been incredibly popular. And it’s not hard to see why, with their cute little outfits that all have conveniently placed holes or openings near the tail.

The dolls can be purchased themselves for $28, or they can be purchased in the deluxe bundle that comes with all his little outfits, a jar of Vaseline, a vibrating Pokeball, and an exclusive Barry White mixtape featuring compositions by Pokemon’s very own Junichi Masuda for the low, low price of $62.


Tell me what that could possibly be for besides putting your penis inside. Yeah, I didn’t think so.

The aim was simple. Furries have been a massive profit point for Nintendo ever since Pokemon first launched. Everyone wanted to stick their dick in a Pikachu. It was all people ever talked about back then. As the series went on, more and more Pokemon were designed to excite and titillate the audience.

Get the kids on board with pokephilia from a young age, and then keep them hooked all through their teen and adult years. But I will not let this degeneracy touch my kids. Only Jesus can.

Stand up to furries. Stand up to big businesses trying to indoctrinate our kids into obscene animal sex cults. Go to church. Please. Only you can end this madness.