Mad Catz, known for their third-party gaming peripherals, has announced that they will be creating their first ever third-party political candidate for the upcoming election in hopes of giving voters a cheaper wired alternative to the often expensive first-party political candidates from the major first-party brands.
This third-party candidate will be made of a slightly cheaper, translucent plastic that looks a bit more flashy at first glance, but upon further inspection the design is a bit tacky and only attempting to mask its shoddy quality to the small children that will ultimately be stuck with it since their parents don't love them. This will make the third-party candidate ideal for younger siblings, especially if they're libertarian or something like that. "Green Party"? Haha, yeah. Whatever you say, kids. Your candidate isn't even plugged in, but sure, you're playing too. Whatever it takes to shut you up while the big kids are playing.
The Mad Catz third-party candidates will come in cool colors like translucent blue plastic, translucent green plastic, and translucent red plastic. These colors are purely cosmetic and don't really make a difference with how the candidate will perform.
The third-party candidate's shoddy build will unfortunately mean the control sticks will drift, or the buttons will stick. The plastic frame may crack, and the control stick may become loose within the frame and not return back to its proper resting position. In fact, the third-party candidate will suffer from a number of quality issues, and will ultimately not be able to compete with the first-party candidates. But that's because it's ultimately not meant to. It's a cheap toy, an imitation, meant to allow younger siblings the illusion of being a part of the game. You'll be out of the race before you know it, and they'll act like it was some wacky coincidence. Just plain bad luck, or a lack of skill. But everyone knows. The playing field wasn't even from the start, because your candidate was $19.99 at GameStop and the real ones are at least $59.99 typically.
Of course, everyone knows that the brand name candidates are corrupt and buying them is just enabling all of the worst practices from those brands. Buying the charging packs separately for an extra $24.99? No wired options? Built-in batteries that can't be removed, meaning you can't repair it yourself or you void the warranty? It's all about control. Taking as much control from you as possible. You get the candidate they give you. And it means supporting all of the practices that come with it. The move towards a digital-only future, where we don't actually own anything, and they can take our digital libraries from us whenever they want in order to sell us even more stuff. The third-party brands are cheap and shitty, but in a sense they're our only hope.
That's just how things are. And we gamers are just gonna have to put up with it. That is, unless we gamers rise up. And take back our culture and our community from these fat cats that have desecrated our passion and livelihood to make a couple extra bucks. Yeah, we'll just pirate the election. That'll show them.
Vote Mad Catz for a cheaper, wired future. Vote Mad Catz.