The genius scientific mind behind Tesla, SpaceX, and now the social media site X (formerly and lesserly known as "Twitter" before Musk brought attention and public acclaim to the niche little website) has once again revolutionized the world with his massive, scientific brain. Einstein must be rolling around jacking his little feminine dick off in his grave and crying over how bad Elon Musk just cuckolded him again with his scientific breakthroughs.
The latest model of Tesla cars, Musk has proposed, should be fitted with a giant spring. A very large spring that would be fixed to the bottom of the car, coiled and ready to launch the vehicle and its driver out of the way of danger. It sounds like something out of Star Wars, doesn't it? This futuristic concept, which Musk is already aiming to patent and make exclusive to his Tesla brand vehicles, could just very well prevent millions of car crashes every minute. Gone will be the day of head-on collisions, or getting T-boned at an intersection. Musk's patented Tesla X-Spring would activate, and safely spring you right out of harm's way.
"Yes, I thought of this all by myself. It was all my idea." Elon Musk xeeted on X (social media platform). All of the replies were men masturbating. He is just that good. He can't be stopped.
"This is a genius move by Elon once again. No other car on the market will be able to reproduce our patented X-Spring technology. Tesla drivers will be able to hop out of harm's way utilizing the power of science, and Tesla will be able to quite literally "leap" ahead of its competition!" Some white guy with shitty facial hair xeeted on X, in the replies of Elon's xeet, before mysteriously disappearing after I found out his home address and threw him in a shipping container to torture for the next couple years hopefully. God willing his body doesn't give out too early after he's skinned. "Elon does it again. So much epic win! I would shit on his dick and fuck him in the ass". Some other guy xeeted, along with a picture of how much "dogecoin" was in his "crypto" wallet. Except there were visible streaks of cum all over his computer monitor, as if to imply he was doing some sort of tribute to Elon Musk, like some kind of occult ritual. I don't think I've seen a guy as charismatic as Elon since Hitler. I bet Elon could rile people up just like Hitler. I bet Elon could be our Hitler. Imagine, the Reddit Army rising up and claiming America in the name of the X corporation. It sounds like science fiction, but so does everything Elon does. Because Elon works miracles, Elon is a genius, Elon is our God. Elon is our Jesus Christ, and he's the smartest guy in the world, and he's my dad, and he's my soul mate.
Tesla's lead engineers have reported that the "X-Spring" is in the final stages of development, and the only problem it seems to be having is that if both cars in the collision happen to be Tesla cars, both cars will activate their springs at the same time, ultimately launching the cars into one another with terrifying speed and power. Creating a "sandwich of death" and crushing both drivers, as if they were a bitch-ass little mosquito trying to fly its fat ass off your arm after biting you. Flattened and reduced to a black and red smudge.
Welcome to the future, bitch. Elon is your new king and God. Bow down and worship him, peasant, and he'll let you live on Mars with all the other cool people. Haha. Just kidding, you're probably gonna die in the impending resource wars while we live in our cool Mars bubble domes. Should've bought the checkmark, bitch. Who's the loser virgin with too much free time now? Who's taking the website too seriously now? Dumbass.