It’s a sad day in Hollywood. Popular comedian and host of the 2020 Golden Globes, Ricky Gervais, has passed away late Monday night. From an apparent suicide. Gervais was found hanging in his room, blindfolded, gagged, with his arms tied behind his back and his legs bound together. There were two unrelated gunshot wounds to the back of his head, which doctors ruled were already there and not the cause of death.

Ricky Gervais gave a rather scathing roast at the Golden Globes, picking on the wealthy Hollywood elite for their ties to Epstein, the rampant pedophilia and sexual harassment cases among Hollywood executives, and their ties to wealthy mega-corporations like Apple and Disney which are responsible for a number of crimes against humanity overseas. This is all completely unrelated to his tragic suicide that just happened to occur coincidentally right after.

I’m sure calling out all of Hollywood on live TV had nothing to do with it, since no one watches TV or cares about Hollywood anymore. And despite numerous people in the audience and in Hollywood as a whole having ties to Epstein, or having sexually predatory tendencies, I’m sure no one took it personally. It was all just a joke, and none of them are really pedophiles or anything. And again, completely unrelated.

It’s purely a coincidence that Leonardo DiCaprio only dates women in their teens and early 20’s. All of the Hollywood celebs and execs that have rode on Epstein’s Lolita Express? How do we know they just didn’t accidentally get matched up with him on Uber or something? I’m sure there’s explanations for all of it.

Remember to buy your Disney, Marvel, and Star Wars POP Figures. Some third-world country brown person slaved away at making it just for you. If you don’t buy it, they’re basically suffering for no reason aren’t they?

Rest in peace Ricky. Everything is okay now. You’re finally safe.