"I'm so sorry, really, I am. What I did was dishonest, and wrong, and I've brought shame upon all of the films and directors that have worked with me, all of the talented actor and actresses... I'm just glad it's off my chest" Andrew's apology read, following the bombshell that left Hollywood in shambles.
"My last name isn't even Garfield. I made it up. They asked me what my name was, and I said Andrew. And I panicked, and just threw Garfield on there. My real last name is Wojciechowski. How do you even pronounce that? I was afraid I'd stutter and mess it up and they'd laugh at me and tell me I didn't get the job. I made up everything. I just really wanted the part, and I like Garfield." He explained.
Fans were stunned to discover they'd been watching some random nobody all this time, and critics have retroactively gone back to alter all of their reviews, since his acting, which was really only passable at best, was now simply unacceptable and worse than it was previously now that this new information has come to light.
It all started when a random fan on Twitter pointed out that Andrew doesn't actually look anything like Garfield. At first, people assumed it was a joke, but as the comparisons were drawn, and people saw that Andrew was lacking in everything right down to the orange fur, and has anyone even seen him eat lasagna? Eventually a DNA test was demanded, and before the looming axe of cancel culture could expose him he reluctantly tried to damage control by issuing a preemptive apology.
"Really, you have to understand. I was under so much pressure. Don't you know what they do in Hollywood? If I wanted to get a role, it was either this, or let some old guy peg me. Or like, sodomize a sick puppy or something for blackmail so I never speak out about the aliens or the Illuminati or where they get the Mountain Dew from inside the mountain. I've been inside the mountain, if you saw how they get the Dew out, well..." Andrewinsisted, which seemed to many like a desperate attempt to fish for sympathy.
Some have accepted it, and others have called for something to be done about it, but the decision overall has been unanimous that Andrew is simply unwelcome in Hollywood and on our screens, now and until the end of time. Disney has already pulled the movies he was in off their services, and plan on disposing of them in a similar fashion to how those E.T. NES games were like buried in Antarctica or something.
It really is a dark time we live in. If we can't trust celebrities, who can we trust?