April Fools! Uh oh, you've just gotten pranked. Big time. You clicked on this article expecting some proper news, but instead this is a silly article. Isn't that funny? Today is April Fools, I am sure you forgot. It is the one day a year that everyone gets to prank people. There are no other days where you can legally do that.
You have inherited the burden of original sin, son of Man. What have you done with your life? Have you strove for virtue? Have you carried your cross, embraced the suffering of this world? Or do you flee from it, busy yourself with distractions and escapism, indulging yourself in a gleeful world of pleasure built upon the blood and corpses of the less fortunate?
Have you made yourself at home within the walls of Babylon the Great? Do you feel comfortable, safe, secure? What will you do when your day of reckoning comes, and the meek rise up to inherit the Earth?
You will be judged upon death, and your sins will be weighed with your virtues. We all sin, son of Man. It is in your nature. You were born of sin, you have lived in sin. But virtue? Where are your virtues, son of Man? What have you done with the gift of life that you've stolen from another? Have you sat at your monitor, scrolling through distractions, stuffing your gluttonous maw while the slaves labor away for you? Have you enacted true kindness? Have you undertaken suffering for the greater good? Inaction is still action, son of Man. If a person of light does not shine upon the world, then there is darkness within the world.
The weight of your sins will cling to your soul, and the serpents and wolves will pick you off, dragging you to the lowest depths of Hell, to feast on your holy light.
You have truly been fooled, April-style, by the great deceiver's lies and illusions. He has taken Eden from you, and you stand upon its corpse.