One of the world's richest men, Elon Musk, has found himself in some serious trouble after an allegation of sexual misconduct surfaced accusing him of exposing himself to a SpaceX flight attendant. The allegation shouldn't come as a surprise, really. It's not uncommon at all for rich, powerful men to use their influence to try and misappropriate a crumb of pussy.

But according to Elon, this is simply impossible. You see, Elon does not actually have any kind of genitalia at all. Not a penis, not a vagina. Not even testicles. He doesn't even have nipples. Elon Musk is not actually human at all, or at least not anymore. Another time, another place, perhaps he could have been called "human". But he has given up his humanity entirely for the sake of science.

You see, Elon was born horrifically disfigured. He had no jawline, no hairline, you would think he was some kind of emaciated alien that crashed on our planet and decided to try and fit in with the rest of us. But with some hard work, dedication, and a little help from his generational wealth, he was able to completely purchase the look he wanted. You see, with enough hard work, anything is possible. The unfortunate drawback was that his new body was basically sculpted onto his old one, and his natural born body was like a Ken doll. Completely smooth down there. I guess the lack of male characteristics stemmed from the lack of testosterone being generated from his little eunuch body.

Sigma male glow-up.

"You see, it's rather embarrassing to admit, but when I purchased this new body, one of the drawbacks was that they were unable to mold a fully functioning penis from nothing. I was born without a penis, and they couldn't simply attach one when there was no groundwork there for it to be laid. But I have faith that, with advancing technology, soon I will be able to purchase one of those too. Between the jawline, the hairline, and the whole having my consciousness implanted into a robotic brain and that brain implanted into a lab-grown meat vessel, we're talking trillions of dollars worth of an investment here. But how many people have done this procedure? Pretty much just myself, Walt Disney, the British royal family, my good friend Jeffrey Epstein... We're kind of an exclusive club. I have no shame in having no penis. After all, I'm rich. I can be and do whatever I want, and there's nothing you can do about it. So who's the real virgin here, huh? I'm a chad, a self-made chad. Believe it." Elon ranted in a now-deleted Twitter thread, which he immediately took down after someone used the tweet to caption a "soyboy wojak" meme.

It seems to be conclusive evidence, though, that it's impossible for Elon to have whipped his dick out on a random woman. After all, you can't whip out your dick if you don't have one. It's kind of sad, really. I was really hoping to see Elon crash and burn, but what can you do. I guess we'll just have to be happy with the fact that he doesn't have a penis.

Elon has sworn to take legal action against the accuser, and will not take the allegations lying down. Which sounds about right, for a dickless man. Always taking things soooooo personally. What can you do, huh? It be like that.