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breaking news BREAKING: A Second Rainbow Cruise Has Just Hit Whomp's Fortress Oh God oh fuck I can't believe it this can't be happening this can't be happening the tower is coming down oh my God there are bodies falling the bodies
wholesome BRAVE: Lockheed Martin Announce "Nuclear Pride Missiles" That Release Rainbow Mushroom Cloud Pride Month is already off to an impressive start. Corporations and celebrities, the most important people and groups in the world, are standing up and supporting the rights of LGBT
world war iii Duolingo Introduces "Duolingo For War" With international tensions rising and the threat of war looming overhead, many have felt a little uneasy. Your comfortable way of life may be threatened by forces out of your
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world war iii Ukraine Deploys Freddy Fazbear On Invading Russian Forces Tensions between Ukraine and Russia have escalated into a full-scale invasion, and Ukraine is not backing down without a fight. The world may very well be on the brink of
world war iii President Biden Escalates Tensions With Russia After Being Unmatched On Tinder Thousands of troops were moved to Ukraine's border over the past week, and even more are expected to be sent shortly, after a disappointing day of swiping through Tinder for
trolling United Nations Deploys Anti-Trolling Task Force Following an unprecedented and completely out of the blue surge in "trolling" across the globe, the United Nations has been called upon by every country in the world to help
girl power New Female Fully Autonomous Military Drones Will Be Thick As Fuck, Vaporize Minorities On Sight History is being made today as the US military welcomes the world's first fully autonomous female drones into its ranks. The "The Future is Female" future has arrived today in
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deus vult Kanye: "We Will Retake Jerusalem" America will be ushering in a new age of crusaders, according to presidential hopeful Kanye West. The rapper, now poised to turn America's democracy into a theocracy, insists that our
north korea Kim Jong-un: "Port Mario Party 2 To PS5 Or I Launch Nukes" Tensions with North Korea are escalating once again. Kim Jong-un has issued an unwavering demand. Mario Party 2 on PS5, or else. Trump officials met with Kim Jong-un to negotiate,
baby nut BREAKING: Senate Votes For Baby Nut To Die By Firing Squad Execution A verdict was finally reached in the trial of convicted war criminal Baby Nut. The Senate has voted overwhelmingly in favor of an old-fashioned firing squad execution, which is currently
breaking news BREAKING: Trump Deploys Annoying Orange To Iran, Violating Geneva Convention And Committing Several War Crimes World War III is now raging across the globe. There is no hope left for negotiations or peace talks. Iran is now amassing nuclear weapons, and America has made a
