god help us Barron Trump Chosen To Pilot Experimental Mecha To Fight Alien Menace President Trump's very own son Barron was given a great honor late last night, when NASA announced completion of their latest project. Three experimental cyborg mechas were given
hyper-realistic Ellen: "The Red Mist Is Coming" Ellen had a rather bizarre message for her fans late last night, posting an enigmatic video to all of her socials. The video begins with Ellen in her room, playing
the end times Kanye Forges Pact With Merkabah, Throne Chariot of God, To Cleanse America Of Sin One of the most powerful humans on Earth and presidential hopeful Kanye West has just ascended to an even higher plane of being. Throne Chariot of God and Archangel Merkabah
clean your fucking controller GameStop Employee Accidentally Synthesizes Adrenochrome From Controller Scrapings A GameStop employee was in quite the shock yesterday after accidentally creating adrenochrome, the mythical drug supposedly used by the wealthy elite. "I dunno man, I was just doing
deus vult Kanye: "We Will Retake Jerusalem" America will be ushering in a new age of crusaders, according to presidential hopeful Kanye West. The rapper, now poised to turn America's democracy into a theocracy, insists
poopoo peepee Kanye West Poops His Pants At White House Briefing Controversial rapper Kanye West surprised the nation when he announced he'd be running for president in 2020. No one was sure whether to take him seriously or not,
world news Protestors Urged To Insert Disc 2 As D.C. Is Engulfed In Flames Rioting nationwide has raged out of control, President Donald Trump has gone into hiding within a bunker, and the nation must now insert the second disc into the PlayStation console
wholesome Rioting Nationwide Abruptly Ends As Someone Cracks Open An Ice-Cold Pepsi An anonymous protestor has single-handedly ended the nationwide riots early this morning, when they cracked open a cool, refreshing Pepsi. As soon as the crisp sound of the can opening
cool shit REPORT: Rioting And Shooting Protestors Is Metal As Fuck Rioting, looting, and violent protest has broken out across the nation. Police have been shooting at protestors and using escalating brutality to combat the anarchy. And it's rad
anime BREAKING: United States Declares Public Health Emergency Over Outbreak Of Sword Art Online Fans United States officials have declared Sword Art Online fans to be a public health emergency today, as cases of the severe mental illness have climbed into the hundreds of thousands.
