sissy hypno Biden: "All White Men Must Now Wear Maid Dresses And Take Estrogen" Biden has been projected winner of the 2020 election, and he's planning some big changes for the country to ensure nothing like Trump ever happens again. Executive orders
kanye west BREAKING: Trump And Biden Worked Together To Stop Kanye Presidency Biden and Trump have gone head to head for an incredibly tense election, with the entire country anxiously waiting for one of these people we absolutely did not want to
joe biden Biden: "We Should Legalize Crack" Joe Biden has been struggling to capture the hearts of voters across the country, being quite possibly the weakest choice and yet somehow being chosen to go head to head
bill gates Government Releases Plan To Force Sissy Femboy Shots On Everyone The Trump Administration along with Bill Gates have officially released their plans to forcefully inject everyone in the world with sissy feminization serum. The "vaccine", as they'
god help us Barron Trump Chosen To Pilot Experimental Mecha To Fight Alien Menace President Trump's very own son Barron was given a great honor late last night, when NASA announced completion of their latest project. Three experimental cyborg mechas were given
breaking news BREAKING: The Q In Q-Anon Stands For Quizno's Authorities have finally figured out the identity of the mysterious hacker 4Chan, leader of Anonymous. Their latest plot, dubbed "Q-Anon", was an absolute mystery to federal agents, as
breaking news Biden And Trump Unite To Stop Space Colony ARK From Crashing Into Earth In a shocking turn of events, the Democratic convention ended with both Biden and Trump hand in hand. The two eternal rivals were forced to team up in a surprise
breaking news Newly Unsealed Documents Reveal Ghislaine Maxwell's Secret Husband Ghislaine Maxwell's secret husband has been officially revealed in a newly unsealed court document. Though Maxwell pleaded not guilty to assisting Epstein in the enticement and trafficking of
the end times Kanye Forges Pact With Merkabah, Throne Chariot of God, To Cleanse America Of Sin One of the most powerful humans on Earth and presidential hopeful Kanye West has just ascended to an even higher plane of being. Throne Chariot of God and Archangel Merkabah
clean your fucking controller GameStop Employee Accidentally Synthesizes Adrenochrome From Controller Scrapings A GameStop employee was in quite the shock yesterday after accidentally creating adrenochrome, the mythical drug supposedly used by the wealthy elite. "I dunno man, I was just doing
breaking news Ghislaine Maxwell: "The 1% Get High And Play Kirby Air Ride All Day" The world has been waiting with baited breath for the trial of Ghislaine Maxwell, if it'll ever come. Some fear she won't survive long enough to
coronavirus BREAKING: Dr. Mario Finds Red-Yellow Pill Cures COVID-19 The fight against COVID-19 is finally over, as leading expert Doctor Mario Mario has discovered the exact formula for the vaccine. A pill that is one half red, one half
north korea Kim Jong-un: "Port Mario Party 2 To PS5 Or I Launch Nukes" Tensions with North Korea are escalating once again. Kim Jong-un has issued an unwavering demand. Mario Party 2 on PS5, or else. Trump officials met with Kim Jong-un to negotiate,
world news Protestors Urged To Insert Disc 2 As D.C. Is Engulfed In Flames Rioting nationwide has raged out of control, President Donald Trump has gone into hiding within a bunker, and the nation must now insert the second disc into the PlayStation console
wholesome Rioting Nationwide Abruptly Ends As Someone Cracks Open An Ice-Cold Pepsi An anonymous protestor has single-handedly ended the nationwide riots early this morning, when they cracked open a cool, refreshing Pepsi. As soon as the crisp sound of the can opening
cool shit REPORT: Rioting And Shooting Protestors Is Metal As Fuck Rioting, looting, and violent protest has broken out across the nation. Police have been shooting at protestors and using escalating brutality to combat the anarchy. And it's rad
coronavirus Report: Trump Suggests Injecting Red Lobster Biscuits To Cure COVID-19 In an official statement from the White House today, President Donald Trump addressed the nation with a new COVID-19 update, stating that America's top scientists had finally found
bernie sanders BREAKING: Bernie Sanders Suspends Campaign To Go Take A Piss It’s official. Bernie Sanders has dropped out of the 2020 race for president, and has cleared the way for Biden to take the nomination. The Vermont senator announced Wednesday
anime BREAKING: United States Declares Public Health Emergency Over Outbreak Of Sword Art Online Fans United States officials have declared Sword Art Online fans to be a public health emergency today, as cases of the severe mental illness have climbed into the hundreds of thousands.
breaking news BREAKING: Goku Has Died Of Coronavirus It’s a sad day for all of Planet Earth. The world’s savior and hero, Goku, has passed away due to Coronavirus, which has been spreading like wildfire across
breaking news BREAKING: Trump Deploys Annoying Orange To Iran, Violating Geneva Convention And Committing Several War Crimes World War III is now raging across the globe. There is no hope left for negotiations or peace talks. Iran is now amassing nuclear weapons, and America has made a
breaking news BREAKING: Iran Vows To Retaliate Against US By Adding Friends Back To Netflix Iran has vowed revenge against the United States after a targeted air strike that killed Qassem Soleimani, one of their top military figures. While many are in a panic over
6ix9ine 6ix9ine Testifies That Light Yagami Is Kira Infamous rapper 6ix9ine has been snitching on everyone since his trial began, naming a number of big names like Cardi B and Trippie Redd as gang members. It seems no
