hyper-realistic Ellen: "The Red Mist Is Coming" Ellen had a rather bizarre message for her fans late last night, posting an enigmatic video to all of her socials. The video begins with Ellen in her room, playing
clean your fucking controller GameStop Employee Accidentally Synthesizes Adrenochrome From Controller Scrapings A GameStop employee was in quite the shock yesterday after accidentally creating adrenochrome, the mythical drug supposedly used by the wealthy elite. "I dunno man, I was just doing
breaking news Ghislaine Maxwell: "The 1% Get High And Play Kirby Air Ride All Day" The world has been waiting with baited breath for the trial of Ghislaine Maxwell, if it'll ever come. Some fear she won't survive long enough to
poopoo peepee Kanye West Poops His Pants At White House Briefing Controversial rapper Kanye West surprised the nation when he announced he'd be running for president in 2020. No one was sure whether to take him seriously or not,
china Trump Calls To Remove "Chinese Fighter" From Smash Amid Rising COVID Tensions President Trump had a lot to say this morning about the newest addition to the Super Smash Bros roster, ARMS representative Min Min. While there were many hoping for a
wholesome World Officials Call For Beach Episode Amid International Riots And Pandemics The UN has called for an international beach episode in response to the nonstop slew of war, strife, famine, and plague. The world needs some ass and titties now more
world news Protestors Urged To Insert Disc 2 As D.C. Is Engulfed In Flames Rioting nationwide has raged out of control, President Donald Trump has gone into hiding within a bunker, and the nation must now insert the second disc into the PlayStation console
joe biden Joe Biden Declares That He Will Be America's First Black President Former vice president Joe Biden has officially announced today that he will be the first black president of the United States. With tensions escalating as the election draws near, Biden
coronavirus Report: Trump Suggests Injecting Red Lobster Biscuits To Cure COVID-19 In an official statement from the White House today, President Donald Trump addressed the nation with a new COVID-19 update, stating that America's top scientists had finally found
america Nonessential Wandering Traders Hold Protests Outside Federal Buildings To Reopen Economy Despite COVID-19 Pandemic COVID-19 has had the nation, and the rest of the world, petrified. The risk of catching it, and the devastation it’s left in its wake everywhere it’s gone,
bestiality New Study Finds Fucking Your Dog Prevents COVID-19 Leading experts on the COVID-19 pandemic have made a startling breakthrough in the fight against this horrible disease. There may just be a cure yet for the COVID-19 virus. It
joe biden Joe Biden Appoints Sasuke Uchiha To Be New Vessel For His Soul, Vows To Use Power Of The Sharingan To Defeat Trump The race for the presidency has begun heating up. Hidden Leaf Village senator Bernie Sanders has fallen in battle, opening up the path to the nomination for Joe Biden. While
breaking news BREAKING: Trump Deploys Annoying Orange To Iran, Violating Geneva Convention And Committing Several War Crimes World War III is now raging across the globe. There is no hope left for negotiations or peace talks. Iran is now amassing nuclear weapons, and America has made a
breaking news BREAKING: Iran Vows To Retaliate Against US By Adding Friends Back To Netflix Iran has vowed revenge against the United States after a targeted air strike that killed Qassem Soleimani, one of their top military figures. While many are in a panic over
cum Nancy Pelosi Will Pop Her Pussy On Senate Floor To Impeach Trump Donald Trump’s impeachment has been all over the news lately. The Democrats have finally moved to impeach, and the House has ruled in favor of impeachment. There’s still
donald trump Just Because The House Voted To Impeach Trump, Doesn't Mean The Senate Has Found A Peach Big Enough To Put Him In, Says Trump Advisor Ever since the 2016 election, the Democrats have been pushing to get Trump impeached from office. And here we are, about to enter 2020, and they’ve finally done it.
cum Mike Pence Is Not Allowed To Cum After over a month of quiet simmering behind closed doors, Trump’s impeachment inquiries have burst out into the public, along with all of the details they’ve uncovered so
donald trump Shenron: "Dragon Balls Do Not Have Power To Impeach Trump" The Democratic Party is back to square one now it seems in their quest to impeach President Donald Trump. There have been talks since 2016 of impeachment, and though they’
