politics Trump Has "Scary, Bleeding, Hyper-Realistic Eyes", Warns Democrats "Please get out and vote, please. You don't understand. Something needs to be done. Please. I'm so fucking scared, man. I'm so fucking scared. God, please. I don't know what
breaking news Eclipse Will Allow "Entities" To Cross Over To Our Reality, Claims NASA The internet has been abuzz with the upcoming total solar eclipse, but NASA thinks we should all be taking more precautions for our safety and for the integrity of our
breaking news "Boys Who Cry" Frontman Steps Down Following Sexual Misconduct Allegations Popular boy band "Boys Who Cry" has been in the headlines lately, embroiled in a scandal that's become all too frequent a thing in this day and age. Creepy men,
breaking news BuzzFeed Acquires Satire Site PissDaily After Original Owner's Death You heard it right, folks. BuzzFeed has taken over PissDaily and all of its various activities for the foreseeable future. It's the least we can do, when we heard what
breaking news BREAKING: A Second Rainbow Cruise Has Just Hit Whomp's Fortress Oh God oh fuck I can't believe it this can't be happening this can't be happening the tower is coming down oh my God there are bodies falling the bodies
mass surveillance Discord Whistleblower Confirms They Read All Your Weird Sexting Messages First Facebook and then Twitter, the era of social media giants' reckonings is upon us, as they're all exposed but probably never brought to justice considering they're being exposed for
breaking news Chris Chan's And Alex Jones' Legal Teams Caught Exchanging Notes About "Dimensional Merge" Between Court Dates Conspiracy theories and fake news have gotten out of control to a terrifying degree in recent years. But thankfully, authorities have begun to crack down and squash this dangerous misinformation
rap BREAKING: Crypto Market Crashes After Chief Keef Claims Bitcoin Is "Wack" The entire crypto market has collapsed after prominent rapper Chief Keef made a public statement claiming that Bitcoin was "wack". Crypto, which many claimed was a bubble and a scam,
crypto Square Enix Sells Off Gaming Studios In Order To Purchase Rare Ape NFT After disappointing sales from the latest installments from major franchises such as Tomb Raider and Deus Ex, Square Enix decided that the money they'd poured into these games would be
breaking news Fans Outraged As Popular Underaged VTuber Exposed As Legal Adult The latest streaming craze to sweep the internet, Vtubers have taken the world by storm. Things you'd normally watch some random dude in his mid-20's or 30's doing, but now
trolling BREAKING: People Still Not Listening To "Schizo Man" That Prophecized The Great War Coming War, famine, and plague have engulfed the world. The future is uncertain, resources are becoming scarce, doom seems to be looming overhead. And still, no one is listening to the
rap Young Thug: "They Should Put Donkey Kong In Elden Ring" Popular artist Young Thug took to Twitter this afternoon to voice his opinions on FromSoftware's extremely popular new title, Elden Ring. The game has been sending ripples through the gaming
orwellian nightmare Ukraine Escalates Use Of Wojak Memes After Russia Posts "Let People Enjoy Things" Meme We live in a dystopian world. A nightmare worse than anyone could have conceived. 1984, Brave New World, Soylent Green, They Live, all of them pale in comparison to what
world war iii Ukraine Deploys Freddy Fazbear On Invading Russian Forces Tensions between Ukraine and Russia have escalated into a full-scale invasion, and Ukraine is not backing down without a fight. The world may very well be on the brink of
world war iii President Biden Escalates Tensions With Russia After Being Unmatched On Tinder Thousands of troops were moved to Ukraine's border over the past week, and even more are expected to be sent shortly, after a disappointing day of swiping through Tinder for
kanye west Kanye West Is Engaged To Hatsune Miku The rapper, who now goes by the name "Ye", made it official last night as he posted to Twitter that he had proposed to long-time collaborator Hatsune Miku. The two,
sonic the hedgehog Sonic Fans Outraged That Sega Is Making A New Sonic Game Sega made Sonic fans furious today as they announced they would in fact be making a new Sonic game. Sonic fans took to the internet to voice their anger, some
wholesome chungus 100 Microsoft Acquires Domino's Amid Growing Need For Employee Pizza Parties It's a huge day for video games. Right when we thought Microsoft buying up Activision Blizzard was the craziest thing Microsoft would do this year, they immediately topped it by
tragic Undertale Pacifist Run Ruined As 8 Child Laborers Die In Cobalt Mining Incident A rather promising Undertale speed run was ruined last night when news broke of a mining incident that killed eight child laborors and left at least a dozen more injured.
cringe Researchers Create Self-Replicating "Xenobots", Living Robots That Suck At Smash Bros Researchers stunned the world when they announced their next big achievement in science, unveiling what sounded to most like man-made horrors beyond their comprehension. Tiny, self-replicating nanobots that are highly
antisemitism Tetris To Remove "S" Block Over Claims Of Anti-Semitism Anti-Semitism and racism have always been rampant problems in the gamer sphere. If it's not some popular "YouTube streamer" spouting slurs or angry hate mobs calling for the white-washing of
jihad Female Activision Blizzard Employees Must Now Wear Head Covering To Prevent Harassment Activision Blizzard, in the latest attempt to damage control their spiraling PR nightmare, has taken drastic measure to curb all sexual harassment in the workplace. Their HR department is under
pornhub Activision Blizzard To DMCA Takedown All Overwatch Porn In Wake Of Harassment Lawsuit Activision Blizzard's PR has been having a rough time trying to smooth over all of the damage that has been caused by their big sexual harassment lawsuit. Nothing they say
trolling United Nations Deploys Anti-Trolling Task Force Following an unprecedented and completely out of the blue surge in "trolling" across the globe, the United Nations has been called upon by every country in the world to help
4 inches is average Donald Trump Sentenced To Life In Chastity Cage Donald Trump will never cum again. After four years, the tyrannical, Orwellian nightmare of Trump's America has finally come to a satisfying conclusion. Congress delivered the lifetime sentence to Trump
